Someone You Loved
by witchlyf
Summary: Five months after Maura leaves her Boston life behind, a phone call from Barry Frost leads her back home to Jane, who needs her now more than she's ever needed her before. Angst/hurt/comfort with some violence (trigger warnings will be in place as and when necessary), ending with Maura/Jane as they should be - together. T for now but will be M.


Maura Isles has never been familiar with the feeling of jealousy, but as she stares at Jane Rizzoli sat across from her grinning into her phone, she's certain it's something she doesn't want to feel again.

Her eyes flick from the phone to Jane's face and she forces herself to reach out for her wine glass, taking a sip of the ice-cold chablis before lowering it back down onto the counter and clearing her throat.

Jane snorts quietly to herself and shakes her head before blindly reaching for her beer, her eyes not leaving the device resting in her palm. Her fingers dart around the counter for the glass bottle, and when she doesn't make contact she finally looks up, whatever spell she is under momentarily broken.

She notices Maura gripping the edge of the table they're sat at so hard that her knuckles are beginning to turn white and she drums the polished wood with her nails, catching Maura's attention.

"Everything okay Maur? You seem a little tense."

Jane grasps the bottle she had previously been searching for and gestures towards Maura's clenched hands before taking a swig and setting it down with a gentle clink.

"Oh…no. Just trying not to dwell on the scene from earlier today" The lie comes so quickly and easily that she's shocked at herself.

To be fair to Maura, it is partly true - after months of searching for the creep responsible for a string of violent attacks on young women, they'd finally found him dead in his latest hideout, apparently unable to live with what he'd done.

The Chief Medical Examiner arrived shortly after Jane and Frost and despite being warned against what to expect, she didn't think the horror would grab her hard enough to squeeze the air from her lungs.

_"You okay?" Frost peeks around the door, his hand shielding his eyes against the pale corpse slumped on the floor, his head surrounded by a pool of blood and brain matter. _

_"Yes, thank you, Barry. I just need a moment."_

_She closes her eyes, draws a sharp intake of breath and then turns back to stare at the walls in front of her, completely covered in photos of various women. Some are taken from afar, some from behind and above, but it's the ones taken during the attacks that send shockwaves to her core. She clutches her stomach for comfort, forcing herself to concentrate on the body in front of her and not the tacked up images of women naked, bruised and bound, their distress so apparent on their faces that it takes everything Maura has not to crumple to the floor in despair. _

Jane studies her for a moment and then clicks her phone off, ignoring it when it immediately chimes.

"What a sick bastard, huh?" Jane sighs and stretches, rolling her shoulders backwards and then leaning forwards, brushing her fingers across Maura's left hand.

The unexpected contact makes the blonde gasp and she snaps back into reality, relaxing her grip.

"Yes. I don't know how you cope with seeing these things all the time. Bodies I can take, but those pictures…"

"He's gone. Really gone. As for me coping…well, it's just something you get used to filing away after a while." Jane taps her temple and smiles tiredly.

Maura sighs quietly as Jane's phone once again lights up and begins to vibrate against the tabletop.

"Jane?"

She watches as Jane glances down at the screen and then finally answers the call, leaning back into her chair.

"Sam. Hey…no…I'm at Maura's"

She stands at the mention of her name and begins to collect up their used dishes, scraping the remainder of the Chinese takeout they'd pushed around their plates into the trash. Jane absentmindedly stands too, pinning the phone to her ear using her shoulder as she begins to collect the plastic cartons from the table in an effort to help clear up.

"Uh-huh. I'm probably going to stay here tonight, it's been a rough day." Jane sorts the recycling as best she can with one hand and then paces back and forth before Maura, who leans against the cold, marble counter and watches, wishing she knew how to block out the impulse to grab Jane's phone and introduce it to the garbage disposal unit.

"I'm sorry. I know." Jane lowers her voice and then adds hurriedly "I'll make it up to you tomorrow".

Maura always knew that keeping up the facade of being happy for her best friend and Samuel would be hard, but yet again she finds herself reaching closer and closer towards breaking point - somewhere she'd vowed to herself and Jane never to reach again after their fight months ago.

"You were too late" she chides herself as she turns her attention to loading the dishwasher, the familiarity of routine offering some small comfort. By the time she's finished, Jane has disappeared and Maura eventually finds her spread out lazily across her favourite yellow armchair, her long legs dangling off the side.

"Please don't feel like you need to stay." Her voice makes the brunette jump and she breathes out heavily, clutching her phone to her chest.

"Jesus Maur. How long have you been standing there?" Maura opens her mouth to reply but Jane cuts in quickly "I want to stay. I'm tired and it's cold and…"

Her damned phone buzzes again and she smiles at it for a split second before refocusing on Maura who stands rigidly in the doorway, the new wave of anger threatening to spill out into the open.

"It would seem that you'd have a much better night were you spending it with Samuel, rather than babysitting me."

"I'm not babys-"

"Go."

"What?" Confusion floods Jane's face and she snaps upright, scowling at the blonde staring at her.

"Go. Go be with him."

"What the hell Maura? What-"

Her phone rings loudly and her face flushes as she follows Maura's cold stare towards it.

"Just go. You'd rather be there than here, and I'd prefer to be alone right now."

"I don't understand. I thought we were past this."

She picks the phone up and silences the shrill ringing, clasping it in both hands tightly.

"Maur...we've both had a long, fucked up day. You're upset and I'm confused and I really don't want to go there with you right now. If it's something else, just tell me the problem - I can't help you if you don't tell me."

_Him. You. You're my problem. The thought of him touching you, making you smile, making you his - that's my problem. Being so terrified of losing it with you again and going back on every promise we made to each other to leave this alone. That's my problem. _

Maura's thoughts collide and all she manages is a shrug and a shake of her head, her gaze fixed on the floor.

"I don't want you to feel coerced into being here with me when you'd rather be somewhere else."

"I want to be here. Maura, you're my best friend. Do you think I'd let you spend the night alone after a day like today? What kind of shitty person would that make me?"

Exhaustion washes over Maura and she bursts into tears, clapping her hand across her mouth to suppress her cries.

Jane closes the distance between them instantly but Maura takes a step back, sniffling loudly.

"I'm sorry. I just...I don't know."

"Hey. It's okay." Jane's voice softens as she reaches out tentatively and squeezes Maura's shoulder. "Talk to me?"

She quickly weighs up her options and each outcome, speeding through all possible scenarios in her head before she visibly relaxes and reaches up to place her hand on top of Jane's.

"I don't want to lose you."

"What?"

"I don't want to lose us. I know I told you that it was in your best interest to move on and away from the suggestion that anything between us could ever happen, but my god Jane. I can't stand this."

Maura's hushed words reignite a tiny fire inside Jane. Is she jealous? Angry? She's searching her brain for the right thing to say when the ringing of her phones pierces the silence.

She grabs it and declines the call, instantly understanding when she looks back at Maura who meets her eyes, locking onto her gaze.

Ever since Jane met Maura, she's been drawn to her and completely bowled over by her brains, kindness and selflessness in everything she does.

She's not sure exactly when she fell in love, but she fell fast and hard and it's simultaneously the best and worse feeling that she's ever experienced. The brunette isn't one to admit fear, but the thought of acting on her feelings and potentially losing the best friend she ever had is too much for Jane to handle.

Ever since that first night that Maura confessed her feelings in answer to the question "Are we having a sleepover, or is this just your way of telling me you're attracted to me?", Jane's stupid sense of pride and insistence that nothing should change between them has eaten away at her little by little until she decided to actively look for someone - anyone - else.

Six months ago, Sam Baker had exploded into her life and quite literally swept Jane off her feet. His chivalry, thoughtfulness and understanding for the unpredictable hours that come with her job made it easy for Jane to pretend that she'd fallen for him, but she'd be lying to herself if she tried to deny that she didn't sometimes lie awake thinking of Maura, and the kind of life they might have together if Jane would just drop her guard and let her in.

Three months after she met Sam, he'd shocked everyone by asking Jane to move in with him and although she kept her apartment as a base for work, she spent almost all of her time at his place.

A month ago, over dinner in Maura's office long after everyone else had gone home, Maura had launched into a rambling speech about wanting Jane to be happy and content, even if it means them not being as close and never again discussing what Maura has confessed. Jane listened silently and painfully to every word, her despair at hearing the ache in Maura's voice growing until she hadn't been able to stand it anymore and had leant across her desk and kissed her hard, scattering papers in every direction in the process.

The ragged gasp that Maura uttered had filled her ears and blocked everything else out, and she'd felt her knees go weak at the sound.

"Jane!"

She'd pressed her lips hard against the blonde's to stop her talking and had felt monetary elation when Maura responded by learning up towards her, sliding her hand into Jane's hair and gripping tightly.

"We can't." Maura's hands gently pushed her backwards, and she'd pulled away, taking a few torturous breaths before meeting Maura's eyes.

"Maura."

"No. I can't. You can't."

Jane had closed her eyes as thoughts of Sam has flashed across her brain, her stomach lurching with confusion and sadness and lust. Lust for the woman sat across from her; a craving for the fire she made course through Jane's entire body. Lust for her soft hands and lips and warm touch. Lust for those intense moments between them when they're alone and close and the air around them seems to buzz with tension and excitement for what could be, if only Jane would let it.

"Maura." She repeats, planting her hands on the desk in front of her and desperately trying to talk herself out of what she's about to say, even though she knows her efforts will be for nothing. "If you want this, and I mean really want this..."

"You can't."

"I need you to tell me. Tell me to leave Maur, and I will."

"I will not be the one responsible for your unhappiness Jane. Don't dare ask me to do that." Maura stands up from her chair angrily, grabbing her jacket from where it hangs next to her and roughly throwing it on. "Where were you months ago, Jane? Where were you when I pleaded with you to just give this a try, to not let your ridiculous stubbornness and pride get in the way?"

"I was scared, Maur. I still am."

"I am trying so hard to be happy for you purely because you are happy and that is paramount to me, but the last few months have been torture and I will not stand here and listen to you asking me to make a choice for you."

"That's not what I want. I just need to hear it. I need to know that you feel the same."

"You know very well how I feel, so please don't offend me by pretending otherwise. I opened my heart to you Jane, and you turned your back on me."

Maura doesn't mean to inject so much venom into the last three words she all but spits at Jane. She doesn't mean to ignore Jane's soft pleas as she picks up her bag and heads towards the door, and she certainly doesn't mean to close the office door as hard as she can behind her, but she does all this anyway. She does this in an attempt to keep herself self together, just long enough to make it to her car and pull over just a few miles from home, slamming her hands down hard onto the steering wheel and screaming her frustration as loud as she can into the night.

Jane remembers all this now as Maura stands solidly in front of her, even just the light touch of her hand making Jane's vision swim.

"What are you saying? We promised to properly move on. I thought you were happy for me."

"Are you happy?"

"What?" Jane scoffs and Maura drops her hand, quickly draining the last of her wine in hopes it'll give her the boost of confidence she needs to power through with the decision she's kept secret for weeks, waiting for the right time to announce it.

"Are you happy?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Why can't you answer me?"

"It has nothing to do with you." Jane snaps and Maura smiles softly, shaking her head from side to side.

"Are you going to lash out at me every time I question your facade of a relationship? You might have fooled your family, but I see right through you Jane. Do you have any idea how difficult it is for me to stand back and watch as you deceive everyone around, but more importantly, yourself?"

"Maura, stop!" Jane growls and takes a physical step back, running her hands through her curls in frustration.

"Stop presenting you with the truth? Stop pretending that I live in regret every day since I pushed you away?"

"Regret?" Maura cuts her off by turning on her heel and striding from the kitchen towards her bedroom, swinging the door open and disappearing from view. Jane hears a thump, followed by drawers being pulled open and takes a deep breath, wondering if she should follow her or wait. She calls out for Maura tentatively, and upon hearing nothing but the hurried sounds of movement she heads towards the bedroom, knocking on the open door before stepping in.

"What are you doing?" She asks as she watches the blonde set her handbag on top of a large packed suitcase that is waiting next to her bed.

"Maura!" Jane's hoarse voice makes Maura pause and flinches before she pulls her passport out of her bedside drawer and throws it into her bag.

Panic registers in Jane and she flings herself forward almost involuntarily, snatching the passport up and gesturing towards Maura's case.

"What is this?"

She responds by picking up her jacket from the bed and shrugging it on, freeing her long hair from inside of it before she zips it up and turns to Jane, holding her hand out.

"What? Why are you wearing that? Maura, I don't understand. Please say something."

"Europe is cold at this time of year."

"Europe?!" Jane stumbles over the word as the penny drops, leaning against the wall for some support as the realisation that Maura is leaving hits her.

"Tuscany, to be precise. My mother has very kindly allowed me to stay out there for a while whilst I consider my options."

"What options? And, your mother? The woman you swore off? Maura, I'm so fuckin' confused right now, please!"

"We need some distance, Jane. I need time to heal. I don't know what you want, and I don't know what I want, but I know that I cannot stay here and wait for you to make your mind up. If I remove myself from this mess of a situation, then you don't need to make a choice. I'm making it for you."

"I made my choice weeks ago Maura, and you fuckin' blew me off. You were the one that walked out on me after I-"

"You asked me to destroy a relationship Jane, do you not know me at all? What on earth crossed your mind when you asked something so hurtful?"

"I asked you to give me a reason, Maura."

"I have tried for so long to suppress everything I feel about you and us and move on but you make it so hard Jane. What did you expect me to do after seeing what I assumed to be genuine happiness in your eyes for the first time since we met?" Jane opens her mouth to speak but Maura holds her hand up, raising her voice ever so slightly. "Consider how different this would be if you'd admitted that you weren't happy the very first time I asked you. Consider what might have been had I not had to stand back and watch as you launched yourself into life with Samuel, all the while knowing you were doing all of these things because you were running away from something you couldn't admit."

"I never said that. Don't put words in my mouth."

"You didn't tell me with words, Jane. That night, in my office? Your actions said it all."

Jane sighs exasperatedly and brings her free hand to her face, covering her tired eyes.

"So this is about that? All of this, tonight, is about that? How many times do you need me to say I am sorry? Do you want me to beg, Maur? 'Cause I will if that's what it takes."

"I need to get away from you Jane. I need time alone to clear my head and heal and then maybe we can work this out, as friends."

"Take a holiday somewhere - visit New York or California, but you don't need to run away to Europe. I nee-" She stops herself, dragging her hand down her face and letting it drop loosely at her side. "What about this? Our friendship? You think you can disappear and then come back and everything be the same?"

"That's the last thing I want. Our relationship cannot remain like this, and I would hope that time apart would allow us a fresh start, free from this tangled mess of emotion and misguided feelings. You will move on, I will move on, and maybe we have a chance to both get past whatever this has been." She gestures between them and then swings her bag over her shoulder, holding her hand out towards Jane.

"What about your house? Bass? Your job? How long will you be gone? Can you just stop, and we can talk about this properly? I won't stop you but please Maur, please talk to me."

"There is nothing left to worry about here, please don't concern yourself with specifics." Maura replies coolly. It breaks her heart to be so cold but she doesn't know how else to shut off her feelings, especially when it comes to Jane.

Desperation builds quickly inside Jane and she searches the depths of her brain for something - anything to say to change her mind. Her mind is blank aside from one overwhelming thought, and even though she doesn't mean to say it out loud, she does.

"I love you."

Maura's eyes burn into her own as she takes the handle of her suitcase and moves towards Jane, reaching down to grip the edge of her passport that is still clutched in Jane's hand.

"Then let me go."

"No."

"Jane."

"No." Jane replies again, tightening her grip and squaring up to Maura, refusing to look away.

Maura's shoulders drop slightly and then they both jump at a loud knock on the front door. Neither of them moves, both standing frozen to the spot. The bell chimes loudly through the apartment, followed by another knock and an all too familiar voice calling out Jane's name.

"Jane? Maura?"

Jane screws her face up at the sound of Sam's voice, giving Maura enough of an opportunity to snatch her passport back. She fumbles for a second before regaining her composure and sliding past Jane, who in turn grabs her wrist and holds her still.

"You guys aren't answering your phones and I'm getting pretty worried out here, I'm not gonna lie."

"Just a minute!" Jane calls out loudly, her eyes burning from the tears that are beginning to cloud her vision. "Maura, I am fuckin' begging you. Please. Please don't go. I can't do this without you."

"You made your bed Jane. Lie in it."

"Please."

"We're done."

She snatches her arm back from Jane's grip and stalks towards the front door, throwing it open just as Sam begins to pound on it once more.

"Maura! God, I was starting to panic out here. Is everything okay? Are you going somewhere? Jane never said."

"There are a lot of things that Jane doesn't say, Samuel." She pushes past him before he can reply and pops the trunk to her car, swiftly lifting her suitcase in and slamming it shut.

"Wait!" Jane brushes past Sam and hurries towards her, reaching the car just as Maura climbs in. She calmly slides her key into the ignition, ignoring the look on Jane's face as she tugs the handle of the locked door. She stares into her rearview mirror as she slowly reverses out of her driveway, turning on the radio to drown out the sound of Jane's frenzied pleas.

A loud metallic thump indicates that Jane's boot has connected with the side of the car just as she reaches the street, and without any acknowledgement she throws the gear into drive and speeds towards the airport, not shutting the blaring classic music off until she's parked up in the long-stay car-park. She remains composed, only speaking to purchase a ticket and a hotel room to wait out the next eight hours until her flight. She sits in absolute silence in the dark room, reassuring herself repeatedly that she is doing the right thing - the only thing that she can do to attempt to regain some control of the situation.

Her resolve almost breaks when she considers turning her phone on, but she doesn't want to face what might - or might not - be waiting for her.

It's only when she's two hours into the flight that she allows herself some release, turning towards the iced window and hugging a blanket to her mouth to stifle the cries that make her feel like she's truly falling apart.


End file.
